DNC Removes Urinals to Appease Clinton Supporters

In an unusual move, the Democratic National Committee is paying nearly $217,000 to install drywall at the Pepsi Center and INVESCO Field at Mile High to conceal the urinals in the men's restrooms during the Democratic Convention August 25-28. "This is a necessary, negotiated concession in order to properly recognize Senator Clinton's 18 million votes during the primaries." said a senior DNC official under condition of anonymity. "The convention's nightly themes are One Nation, Renewing America’s Promise, Securing America’s Future, and Change You Can Believe In. But in the bathrooms, the theme for all four nights is Solidarity - All Democrats Sit To Pee."

In addition, Hillary Clinton's staff is creating a 40-member "whip team" for the convention to ensure that her supporters don't engage in embarrassing anti-Obama demonstrations during the floor vote on her token nomination. The all female team, clad in crisp dark blue dresses and organized by longtime Clinton staffer Craig Smith, is working in conjunction with Obama's floor organizers to help foster the image of a unified front during a roll-call process Hillary Clinton herself has described as an emotional "catharsis" for her disappointed supporters.

“We have been and are working closely with the Obama campaign to make sure we have an exciting and unified convention," Clinton spokesperson Kathleen Strand said. "We won't pout or whine as long as we get what we want."