Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Dell Adds Goat Sacrifices to Help Lines

(Round Rock, Texas) - Dell Computer Company has recently restructured three levels of "consumer troubleshooting" hot lines. Dell Customers may take advantage of phones outsourced overseas to Nepal, and receive limited information. Or, they may talk to U.S. based technicians (at a premium, per minute rate) for more helpful advice. Or finally, for a flat rate of just US$ 29.00, operators in Nepal will repair your computer problems by sacrificing a goat to appease a Hindu god.

Dell's announcement follows after officials at Nepal's state-run airline sacrificed two goats to appease Akash Bhairab, the Hindu sky god, following technical problems with one of its Boeing 757 aircraft. Nepal Airlines has had to suspend some services in recent weeks due to technical problems. The goats were sacrificed in front of the troublesome aircraft last Sunday at Nepal's only international airport in Kathmandu, in accordance with Hindu traditions, an official said.

"The snag in the plane has now been fixed and the aircraft has resumed its flights," said Raju K.C., a senior airline official, without explaining what the problem had been. It is common in Nepal to sacrifice animals like goats and buffaloes to appease different Hindu deities.

Computer industry analyists were generally surprised by Dell's announcement, as the company has steadfastly refused to acknowledge their consumer support lines have been outsourced to Nepal. Customers have long suspected this however; as all operators have nearly incomprehensible accents. The Chicago Sun-Times recently broke the story after a reporter noticed that nearly all operators claimed they were from Chicago. After trapping several with Chicago based small talk (i.e. "You think the Chicago Dolphins will win The Cup this year?") , a few outsourced operators admitted to being physically located in Nepal. Industry observer Houston Dolph stated, "Dell simply won't pay for support lines in the States. In Nepal, their outsourced guys work 12 hours a day, 6 days a week. The pay is nominal, but I understand operators will be able to keep the slaughtered goats."

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