Thursday, August 30, 2007

My First Pro Wrestling Post

When I first began this blog over two months ago, I figured at least ten percent of the posts would be devoted to pro wrestling. But the murder/suicide tragedy of WWE wrestler Chris Beniot changed all that. For months now, it was hard to think about wrestling, without morning the catostrophic loss to the sport. Like John Lennon's sensless murder, Benoit's death affected me greatly. He was one of the most popular and gifted technical professional wrestlers of his generation. The circumstances of his passing do not change the fact, Chris Benoit was one of the best in the ring.

O.J. Simpson (and yes - guilty, guilty, and guilty) earned a Heisman Trophy, and was the first running back to rush for more than 2,000 yards in an NFL season. Not to mention scores of other gifted athletes who drive drunk, butcher dogs, or ravage a pretty blonde's Rohypnoled backside. The point is; don't forget Benoit's place in wrestling. I never will.

Pro wrestling is undergoing another major shift. The fallout from the Beniot affair will create a lot of major heat for the WWE in the next few months. Their over-the-top writing staff, headed by Daddy's Little Girl and The Son of a Plumber, will keep only six year olds enthralled. Not much positive either with the horrendous scripting of their chief competitors, TNA. These guys went "Old School" and never came back. Don't get me wrong; I collect Cowboy Bill Watts' Mid-South Wrestling DVDs from the 1980s, but I realized immediately you might need to tweak it a bit for modern consumption.

Want decent wrestling? The absolute best today is Ring of Honor. Period. I encourage everyone to see just how good it can be. Live shows and DVDs have been their focus, but they are just now expanding into the pay-per-view market. Here you can see super-talented athletes before they are sucked into the WWE "main event/signature move" mentality. In future posts I'll be reviewing a lot of their DVDs, so I must tell you up front - I'm a total mark for RoH.

Finally, congrats to the NBA referee who got popped. I knew it all along.

Remember; basketball is fake, pro wrestling is real.

Vatican Greenlights "Sister Stephanie"

Sources inside Vatican City disclosed that a New Orleans cartoonist has been given the tentative blessing to create an internationally distributed comic strip to help promote "traditional Catholic values", but artist Colin Hennedy insists the strip, to be called Sister Stephanie, will remain completely objective, "finding sources for satire everywhere".

Sister Stephanie, a 4 foot tall, 80 year old nun is the main character of the strip, who Hennedy describes as "the fanatical voice of Catholic reason", and is obviously drawn to resemble Mother Teresa. But that is where the resemblance ends. "She litterally runs the Diocese", says Hennedy, "effectively castrating male church leaders behind their overtly political, self-serving backs. She is a total bitch - no doubt about it. But, in a nice way."

Other characters in preliminary drawings include Sister Catherine, an anatomically correct gorgeous hardbody who refuses to wear habits and could easily pass for a stripper, Sister Sinead, a nun who insists on wearing a Luchadore wrestling mask at all times, and "Sister" Carlotta, an illegal immigrant who lost her job as an elementary school lunch lady, and is now hiding in the Church from authorities. Male characters are largely portrayed as buffoons, including those habitating Vatican City itself.

Curiously, The Holy Trinity also make regular appearances in the strip. Both God and Jesus appear as traditional "WASP" representations (flowing robes, long hair and beards), while The Holy Spirit is drawn as what appears to be a video game controller. Hennedy says flatly, "you will never see two characters in the strip - the Devil, and the prophet Mohammad. In fact, since The Holy Trinity has never seen them either within the strip, there is doubt among them those two even exist. Also, in Sister Stephanie's world, there is no such thing as homosexuality. As a cartoonist, that would be too easy."

Sister Stephanie is scheduled to debut Christmas Day 2007.

Q: Where can men over the age of 50 find younger women who are interested in them? A: Try a bookstore under fiction.