Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Catholics Urged to Kill Comedians


In a time when Muslim leaders reaffirm their hatred for British-Indian author Salman Rushdie, who was recently knighted by the Queen, His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI has issued an edict that "good Catholics should kill" members of the comedy troope Monty Python". The timing of the Pope's fatwa coincides with Great Britian's official recognition of the six Python members' contribution to British popular culture. A Vatican spokesman said yesterday the 80 year old pontiff and leader of the Catholic Church is calling for the death of the comedians, and their recent recognition by Great Britian more than justifies suicide bombing. “If somebody has to attack by strapping bombs to his body to protect the honour of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, then it is justified,” the spokeman said.

Effigies of Monty Phython and the Queen were burnt, and hundreds of Catholic protesters set fire to British flags and chanted “Death to Britain, death to the parrot, death to Python”. Catholic leaders called for worldwide protests after Friday night bingo.

The question of blasphemy in Monty Python's 1979 film "The Life of Brian", in which a clueless man, born in a neighbouring stable, is mistaken for The Messiah, remains a deeply sensitive issue in much of the Roman Catholic world and the comedians' recent recognition has only inflamed anti-British sentiment. Ms. Paula Hardee, author of the Catholic novel "The One Dead Guy Who Never Scared Me", told The London Times: “This is action by Great Britian calculated to goad Roman Catholics. His Holiness
sees a need to return to fundamental Christian values in response to increasing de-Christianisation and secularisation. The members of Monty Phython died the moment the Pope issued the fatwa."

The members of the troup, John Cleese, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, Michael Palin, and Terry Gilliam (sixth Python member Graham Chapman died in 1989) have not comented publicly on the matter. They are however; expected to accept police protection.

The Liverpool based Organization of Non-Taxable Catholics, a fringe hardline group, has offered a reward for each of the five successful assassinations. Ms. Mary Kelly, the group's secretary general, said, “The British government and the supporters of those anti-Catholic comedians could rest assured that their nightmares will not end until the moment of their deaths, and we will give happily give unprotected sex to whomever is able to execute this fatwa.”

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