Instead of killing the enemy, make them gay. The military has only recently made the decision to table an "alternative" weapon system, even though the Pentagon "is committed to identifying, researching and developing non-lethal weapons that will support our men and women in uniform," said General Fred "Shelia" Barnstale, his tissued C-cups heaving in excitment. Barnstale and a handful of other high-ranking officers appeared in drag at a Pentagon military briefing recently, to announce this earnestly researched, but ultimately rejected advance in warfare technology. "The Gay Bomb would have revolutionized military strategy", said Barnstale, careful not to ruin his orange lip gloss as he continued. "People have been killing each other in war for eons, but they haven't been making each other gay. Believe me, which ever country has The Gay Bomb will have an overwhelming military edge, into the next century."
Navy Vice-Admiral Richard "Sha-Sha" Portillo (who looked stunning in a white gown with black accents) added, "Imagine the surprise of our enemy's leaders when their top-notch soldiers throw down their guns, and jump on each other like this". Portillo began to rub up against another Navy man, Lieutenant George "Swallowz" Von Kleiser, who immediately lifted his tennis dress to his ample waist. As disgusted members of the Press Corp bolted for the door, General Barnstale took the mic and bellowed, "Wait! This is for real! Our enemies will have their asses in the air, waiting to receive our conquering armies!"
Of course, we would never develop a weapon, "that contained a chemical that would cause enemy soldiers to become gay, and to have their units break down because all their soldiers became irresistibly attractive to one another."
Q: Where can men over the age of 50 find younger women who are interested in them? A: Try a bookstore under fiction.
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